Sunday, August 12, 2007

Baby Steps

Life would be horrible without you in it. Every time you must go away, I always miss you so much. I have dreams on those nights when you aren't here. I worry that you will be taken care of where you are. Perhaps it is because you are my only one. Emotions run high when I think about leaving this world one day and leaving you behind. Will you be okay? Will you be able to take care of yourself? No one told me when I decided to have a child how emotional some days would be. No one told me how a maternal instinct to protect her child would mean doing anything humanly possible on this earth, including sacrificing life. No one told me how wonderful it was going to be.

I don't usually get emotional about posts. But, I dreamed about my kid last night. He is at his dad's house this weekend. I miss him when he goes. He is getting older every day and sometimes I have to do a double-take, wondering where all the time went. He starts school Wednesday, and while I have never had a hard time letting go, this year is different. He will be in the 7th grade, in the middle grade at his school. He keeps wanting to do things on his own, try new stuff, and I am not eager for him to do so. I eventually give in, knowing he needs to get out there on his own eventually and learn what it's like to be a young adult. Baby steps...

10 comments:

Annabel said...

They grow up so fast don't they? It seems like such a long time ago that my son was going to his first day of kindergarten. I can't believe he is going to college in just two years. I know it's hard to cut that cord, but if you don't at some point, they will as they seek their independence. It's hard, but he'll always be your little boy even when he's a 32 year old man.
You're a good mom and you should be proud.

simonsays said...

Great post Abba girl---and you are so right. They grow up in the blink of an eye, and are gone...or they are supposed to be. Mine never seem to really leave, but even that is okay....enjoy him while you can.

Rich | Championable said...

Much agreed, duder.

I might have to only read your blog in RSS, though, cause I keep blasting the music at inopportune times.

:-)

Cheryl said...

I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I really miss my younger daughter. I think that's sad.

2 The World U R 1 Person, 2 1 Person U R The World said...

Now I wonder if our brief comments about loving our kids made you have that dream. I had a horrible one once.
My lil one was younger, maybe only a year. I dreamt that her Dad came to see her and I refused to let him just take her out by himself, I'd had a bad feeling. We were at some building and he went around a corner and poof they were gone. I searched and searched calling her name. A month later I found him, when I went to get her she didn't know me. I tried doing the things I knew made her laugh and tried talking and saying Mommy. She screamed and cried because I was now a stranger.
When I woke up from that, I had a deep feelings of fear and sadness for days that I couldn't shake. This was around the time he threatened to try for custody. I know he can't take her, I'm far from unfit. But that maternal instinct kicks in anytime someone says they'll take your child. I get chills thinking about that dream. It was just horrid!
I can't believe mine is 28 months old! Over 2 years! She amazes me everyday!
Since she was born, I always say, nothing comes close when trying to explain the Mother-Child bond. You have to BE a Mother to understand. We, women, are priveledged.

Good entry chica!

austere said...

Such a beautiful post. Keep it for him to read someday.

Terri said...

I feel your pain Abbagirl. But despite the pain, there is nothing like being a mom, I love it and I know you do too.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

oh my, is this what I have to look forward to? Yikes! I teared up reading your post..so fresh the child turning into an adult..it definitely makes me want to spend as much time with my boys as I can while they're young..so I should turn this darned pc off and go play their favorite game called: King cobra and anaconda..I still haven't figured out how to play this made up game..but I'll remember your post in the back of my head at just how quickly it all changes.
Sigh~
Always,
Crusty~

CRUSTYBEEF said...

by the way, the rainbow song? Perfect song to read with your post..that song is one of my favorites..too bad the singer is no longer around because I'd love to hear more songs made what seems by his heart.
Always,
Crusty~

David Kim said...

Kids.....