Thursday, June 22, 2006

Perception is Reality

I have been told before that perception is reality. Is that true? This is so true if you have an opinion all of the time. The problem- those of us who have an opinion about everyone, whether we know that person or not. You know who you are. You watch someone walk by who may not have all of their teeth or you see someone who isn't wearing shoes. I know what you are thinking, because I have thought the same thing. White trash. But does it occur to us what that person has gone through, the hardships they have endured? Absolutely not. We are only worried about how they look and are flabbergasted that they would be out in public like that. It goes that way for all people, all races, all stereotypes, all of us.

I will be the first to admit that I am one of those shallow people. I thought at first that I couldn't help it, that it was just human nature. And maybe it is human nature. But it isn't humane. People have stories, they have backgrounds and hardships. Who are we to judge anyone before taking a look at ourselves? We are only average, where some people may have been through something that made them a better person, that makes them unique.

I am not saying that I won't ever perceive someone by their looks or actions, but I sure as hell will be more conscious about doing so. To each his own. Teeth or no teeth.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Work is a Drag

Work has been a total drag. I have so much to do. Time management is definitely not on my side this year. I have had a headache for 2 days now. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I'm depressed. Probably both.

I just can't seem to get into my groove. I was doing so well there for awhile. Going to one of my stores and seeing my best guy friend has been a total drag lately. He's got a girlfriend and hasn't really wanted to hang out lately, nor does he call me anymore. I am such a jealous little girl. I so need to get over it. It's making me be a bigger loser than I was when I originally started this blog.

I have to train three people this Friday. I used to work with two of them. Joy. One guy is an eccentric gay boy who does things his own way, not the way it's suppose to be. Not to forget to mention that he is a total closet slut. The other one is a girl who is this petite, pretty little thing. She has some Hispanic blood in her. All the more to want to stab her in the head with a pitchfork for being so pretty. She is an out of the closet slut. Joking. She is quite an airhead and I know that I do a better job than both of them put together. Thus, the reason why I am the one training them.

Television has become pathetic. News is depressing, reality shows are not reality at all. I am addicted to the show called "The Hills" on MTV. It is the dumbest show I know, but I am hooked because Heidi is such an idiot. I enjoy watching this show and laughing my ass of because she is such an airhead. She quits everything she tries. Definitely a spoiled brat who needs to live in her car for awhile (thank you Andrew). Maybe then will she realize what the real world could be like.

If there is anyone who has some advice on how to make my job more fun and productive, please let me know. I basically go into my stores and make sure that the departments that I oversee are doing everything according to the program, plus some. Luckily, I am not a bitch like the girl who had the same position before me. I am well-liked among most. I guess it makes it a little easier.

My boyfriend thinks he is living here. I can't remember the last time he stayed the night in his own house. I don't mind really, but my apartment is getting smaller and smaller. It's that independence that I don't want to lose. Know what I mean?

Okay, enough bitchin' for now. There is no one else I can bitch to, so I guess you are it.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Down and Out

I am down in the dumps today. One of my department managers had a stroke. She is in ICU at the hospital. I have been at her store to help out. If you are reading this for the first time, I work for a major grocery chain. My job title is a "specialist". I have about 22 stores that I look after in about five different departments. It can wear you out quick.

Anyway, I've been thinking about my life and how much I don't like it. I wish I could live somewhere else, meet different people. Sometimes I wish I could just live out in the country away from everyone else and just live. I would work outside daily, and just kick it with the trees, the wind, and the mosquitoes. lol. I actually hate mosquitoes and my son has an allergic reaction when he is bitten by one.

I am saving up my money for this cruise in mid-July. I plan on saving for a house when I return. I would love to find a secluded piece of land to build a house on. But in Kansas, it is pretty much impossible. The way everything is growing, it is hard to do. You wouldn't think that looking at our state, but it's true.

I really need to get some exercise. I know that if I do, I will feel better. No willpower today though. Maybe I will take a nap. Sounds good on print, so I will go for it.

Talk at all of you later.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

ABBA Fan for Life

I am such a dork. I recently became an Abba fan in 2004. When I am asked what kind of music I like, strange looks appear when I confess my love for this Swedish band. Those looks probably come because I also mention that I love John Mayer, some blues, and some R&B. I am also a lover of the Top 40. It's weird, I like it all really.

A friend of mine said that most men who like Abba are stereotyped as homosexual. I say that their music would make anyone gay :). LOL. Happy that is.

I have gotten so bad about listening to their cd all of the time that my boyfriend has started recognizing the music. He likes country music. He says that" it is sad that he knows some of the Abba songs by a couple of notes". I think it is great.

Currently, my favorite songs to listen to are Angeleyes and Lay All Your Love On Me. Both kind of describe what I am going through with a close guy friend. This friend has distanced himself. A new girlfriend is in the picture. Oh well, it happens to the best of us, right?

I will try and find a new song to listen to for the next couple of weeks. Maybe I will find one that fits my mood.

I have finished the April archive of the 4th Avenue Blues. If you haven't checked out this blog, you need to. This guy is phenomenal.

Saturday, June 17, 2006


I do the same thing day after day. Get up early, drop my son off at day camp, go to work, pick up my son from day camp, come home and cook dinner, clean the apartment, shower, and drop like a wilted flower on my bed from sheer exhaustion. Weekends leave little room for change.

My job has me working in twenty-two different grocery stores, looking at as many as five different departments, depending on the store. I have to remember hundreds of faces, greet thousands of customers. No wonder I am so tired all of the time.

I am going to be on a cruise soon. I will be visiting the Bahamas for the first time. I have not seen the ocean since I was two, on the shores of Pusan, South Korea. I do not recall that day, but I will soon be able to experience the wide open spaces of ocean water like it was the first time. Can't wait. However, it is a Disney cruise and therefore will be packed with screaming, squealing children. Not to mention less than favorable body physiques that I will be witness to at the pool and beach. Joy.

I have been reading a blog called the 4th Avenue Blues. It is truly inspiring. I have never been so moved by someone's personal life. And it is his personal life. I have started at the beginning and I am working my way to the present entry. It really makes my life seem so dull. I only wish I had the knack for writing and describing those in my life. Most of my writing has to do with my life and how I feel. It's just like a woman to bring emotions into everything. What can I say?

Friday, June 09, 2006


After reading my previous post again, I think I could make myself throw up. How much of an idiot am I? That post was so seriously pathetic that I am now going to apologize for it. To all who have read it, I am truly sorry that your eyes wasted the precious time of looking at the written garbage of a silly woman. I was being so girly and jealous that day. It truly makes me want to vomit.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Best Friends - Do They Exist?

My advice to all single females out there who have guys as a best friend- be prepared to get your heart broken by them also. I have always been closer to guys than I have to girls because they aren't as shallow or fickle as most females tend to be. However, I have yet to find a guy best friend where the friendship was - what's the word I'm looking for? Not perfect, maybe manageable.
I recently noticed my best friend have peculiar behavior lately (thank you women's intuition!). This guy pal has told me numerous times that he plans to be single for a long time, that he doesn't have time for a girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. The guy has not had a girlfriend in the whole five years I have known him, so why wouldn't or shouldn't I believe him? HE'S A GUY! That's why. I finally asked him outright about it. Like I said, he's been acting peculiar lately.
Anyway, I asked if he was seeing anyone, and he says maybe. MAYBE? Okay, where was I when you decided you were even interested in anyone? My God, I was starting to think this guy was gay. His reply was that everyone didn't need to be interested in what he does. Are you kidding me? We are GOOD friends, and he forgets to leave out this certain detail that I give him shit about constantly?
Okay, so why am I so upset? Because he didn't tell me? Because he should have shared it with me? Because now I am not the girl in his life. When you think that he cares enough about you and says he trusts you, and then he doesn't follow through on the important stuff like a new girl in the picture, it hurts.
Why? Because I am not "that girl" anymore. You know, the girl that was getting most of the attention. I have just lost out to the "other girl". And yes ladies, we have all been there before. You know what happens to the "friend" when another female comes into the picture. "Old friend" who?
What's a girl to do?

Girl will probably attend my best friend's wedding. This sucks- because now I am the shallow and fickle one.