Saturday, March 28, 2009

That Woman

I was sitting at the local dive last week having breakfast with Josh. I noticed a woman sitting at the counter, drinking her coffee and listening to her cd player. This woman, facial features that were hard, like she had been through so much. Her features were almost manly. I sat and wondered all she had encountered in life and why at that moment was she there, sitting on a stool at the counter drinking coffee.

We all ponder the questions of why we are here and if there is something so much bigger than all of us out there. This is where faith and belief come in. But what if you don't necessary have faith? I don't want a bunch of people telling me I need to go to church and find the Lord. Obviously, these questions have been pondered upon well before JC.

This one lonely woman opened such a box of questions for me. You know, I used to have panic attacks about death. I don't know if I ever told you that. I would lay awake at night, trying to fall asleep, and then I would think about dying and freak out. The part that freaks me out is not knowing what is going to happen. Will I know I am dead? What happens to my memories? Will it be like I never knew I existed? This is what I am afraid will happen. No one can actually tell me that we all go to heaven. I don't know if I can believe that person. How do they know?

My goodness... I have certainly brought up a subject that will have people who don't normally comment here come by. Hope not. It's just something that was on my mind at this very moment. I thought I would just type it out.

Hope you are all having better weather than I am. We got about 8 inches of snow. Some parts of the state got 2 feet with 5 feet of drifts. Driving should be fine tomorrow. Have a great weekend!

Perhaps one day I will be that woman sitting at the counter, drinking my coffee, listening to my music and wondering what happened with my life.


Cheryl said...

I do remember your fear of death. Funny that it's something I never even ponder.

That woman certainly gave you food for thought. Looks can be deceiving. To look at me, you'd never guess what my life is really like.

Anonymous said...

I used to have the same fears. Occasionally they pop back up...I completely understand!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I so know what you are talking about here. I often ponder it will be.....what will I feel......what will happen to me....what will I experience after I'm gone.

There are so many questions and unknowns that it is quite scary.

austere said...

I remember your death fears, Maybe its cultural, out here, the final moment too, is a step to a new life. Somewhat like a new set of clothes.

Quite thoughtful, this post.

Maybe things got better for that mystery woman. Maybe.

Anonymous said...

You're right that no one can give a guaranteed answer about this big question. There's a song by Iris Dement where she sings about "just let the mystery be."

I'll see if I can find it and put it up.

David Kim said...

With death comes an everlasting peaceful sleep. . .unless you go to hell.....

Just kidding. I don't think anyone can burn in hell and be tortured forever. That kind of punishment is just too harsh for the crime. . . any crime. Well, I've had a long week. I'm tired.