A New Life

On Wednesday, I noted that a fresh start begins today, on Wednesday.

Today is Friday, and I am continuing on, day by day. Every day is a fresh start.

I have thought over and over again about my life. I looked at my kid the other day for the first time. I didn't even recognize him. DB is eleven, soon to be twelve next year. When I cast my eyes on him for the first time last week, I saw that I have missed out on so much. His life is all that I should be worried about, not my life at work. Where have I been this whole time?

He broke my heart yesterday when he said that I spend a lot of time at work and I don't pay attention to him. He said it so matter-of-factually, like it was suppose to be that way. It pained me beyond belief. IT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THAT WAY!!!!! I felt like crying. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be that mom. The mom who doesn't realize where the years went with her child. My kid is at a difficult age right now where boys are trying to find where they fit in at school and the rest of the world. I need to be there for him. I want to be there for him.

I have today and the rest of the weekend off. Wasn't planning on taking the weekend off until last week, when I noticed the need for a change in my life. I have Pipe and Andrew to thank. They have both opened up my eyes to a world I have been missing. Pipe has gone through so much with his family. His elderly mother is ill and he spends much of his time with her, helping to make sure she is taken care of. Although my mother is not ill, I have not spent enough time with her or my dad. I want to spend as much time with my family as I can. You never know what may happen. Every day is a fresh start.
Andrew has changed me like no other person has been able to. And I have never met him face-to-face. He is an on-line blogging friend who I have come to know, love, and care about deeply. Andrew is like a brother to me. He is family. Through his writings, I have learned that life doesn't always have to be about the hustle and bustle of work. I have learned to make little moments for myself to reflect and ponder new ideas. He is living life. I want a part of that. I want to live. LIVE. I want to wake up every morning with the strong desire to get out in the world and make something positive happen. Time to myself is needed and time with my kid is crucial. It needs to happen, and it will.

My kid and I are off to my parents' house for the weekend. I can't wait to get out into the country and just let the world envelop me. It will be grand.

He Just Left

He was there.
I saw him.
I know he saw me.
I waited to see if he would approach me.
He did not.
He just left.
He just left.
Now I know.
I don't have to keep convincing myself that he will change.
He won't.
He said so himself.
I just didn't listen.

Answer

The phone rings. I hesitate to answer. It is someone from work. I hesitate a second more. What now?

Someone needs answers, they all need answers. So, call me because I seem to have all of the answers.

As I head out to do my job today, I hope that I have not only the answers, but the correct answers. I hope that the information I give to these people is precise and polite. I do not want anyone to get the "wrong" impression when given the answer.

Answers. Say that to yourself ten times and then it sounds odd.

Funny. Funny how common sense doesn't seem to exist today.

Changes

Today was beautiful. The sun was just right. Wind was blowing lightly through the timid trees, trees that are on the verge of a fresh start as well. Seasons are changing. I am embracing the change with open arms. Change meaning fresh start or seasons, you ask? Shouldn't they both be embraced?

Tonight, as I close my eyes, I can hear the breeze blowing in through the patio door, swooshing the blinds back and forth with a gentle pit-pit. The breeze, evident amongst the nearby trees, feels so refreshing on my arm as I type away.

The television is on. But I don't know why. Some woman is crying. Oh, how I have cried so many times before. It needed to be done, to make me stronger. Why am I a one who carries my emotions on my sleeve? The expression on my face shows the story, the voice tells the tale. That is me, that is how I am.

Did I mention that today was a beautiful day? It was. It was almost perfect.

I am going to end this near perfect day by going to bed early. Good night, sweet, sweet world. All is well...

Fresh Start begins today...