On Wednesday, I noted that a fresh start begins today, on Wednesday.
Today is Friday, and I am continuing on, day by day. Every day is a fresh start.
I have thought over and over again about my life. I looked at my kid the other day for the first time. I didn't even recognize him. DB is eleven, soon to be twelve next year. When I cast my eyes on him for the first time last week, I saw that I have missed out on so much. His life is all that I should be worried about, not my life at work. Where have I been this whole time?
He broke my heart yesterday when he said that I spend a lot of time at work and I don't pay attention to him. He said it so matter-of-factually, like it was suppose to be that way. It pained me beyond belief. IT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THAT WAY!!!!! I felt like crying. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be that mom. The mom who doesn't realize where the years went with her child. My kid is at a difficult age right now where boys are trying to find where they fit in at school and the rest of the world. I need to be there for him. I want to be there for him.
I have today and the rest of the weekend off. Wasn't planning on taking the weekend off until last week, when I noticed the need for a change in my life. I have Pipe and Andrew to thank. They have both opened up my eyes to a world I have been missing. Pipe has gone through so much with his family. His elderly mother is ill and he spends much of his time with her, helping to make sure she is taken care of. Although my mother is not ill, I have not spent enough time with her or my dad. I want to spend as much time with my family as I can. You never know what may happen. Every day is a fresh start.
Andrew has changed me like no other person has been able to. And I have never met him face-to-face. He is an on-line blogging friend who I have come to know, love, and care about deeply. Andrew is like a brother to me. He is family. Through his writings, I have learned that life doesn't always have to be about the hustle and bustle of work. I have learned to make little moments for myself to reflect and ponder new ideas. He is living life. I want a part of that. I want to live. LIVE. I want to wake up every morning with the strong desire to get out in the world and make something positive happen. Time to myself is needed and time with my kid is crucial. It needs to happen, and it will.
My kid and I are off to my parents' house for the weekend. I can't wait to get out into the country and just let the world envelop me. It will be grand.
7 comments:
yes. time rushes by. i need to be making this decision too, and soon.
hope the weekend was stupendous.
abbagirl, GO FOR IT! this is the best decision you could possibly make. Despite my crazed schedule for the last month, I usually get to eat dinner with my boys 4-5 nights a week (depending on soccer or baseball schedules.) Even though they're little weenies when it comes to "telling me about their day" THEY ARE GETTING BETTER (shhhh! Don't let them hear I said that.)
Go Abba!
We all get sucked into the necessity of making a living. I feel guilty so often because it seems my boys always take second place to my profession. Is there any way to win. Work less, can't pay the bills, keep working, your children suffer. How do you escape?
Abbagirl74:
I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing, enriching, and spiritually fullfilling weekend! I am excited for you to have this work out well.
Please rememeber that those who love you, love you for who you are... not for who you think you should be. You are just right the way you are.
PipeTobacco
huh Sunday already.
*drums*post post!
You will always be my blogging sistah! I care about you so much as well and your writings bring joy to my soul. I hope your weekend was as grand as you hoped it would be. I can't wait to read about it and share in it through your words.
BTW, I sent you an invite to my blog. Just sign in using your Gmail account. I have your email address approved.
Jonathon
Wow. At least my kids aren't so vocal about my shortcomings in the mom department. I'd get an earful! ;) No, really, don't feel too guilty for what's done and past... You can only worry about the future. Good luck.
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